


let’s not make it harder than it has to be

by kattyshack



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Family, Feelings, Flirting, Humor, Jealousy, Kissing, Meddling, Romance, Texting, i physically cannot stop writing these fics don’t look at me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 14:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19111195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kattyshack/pseuds/kattyshack
Summary: ROBB: Are you sleeping with my sister??THEON: typing…THEON: The Number You Are Trying To Reach Has Been Disconnected(Or: Arya reads Theon’s diary — for science — and starts an inter-text riot.)(title from “girls chase boys,” by ingrid michaelson)





	let’s not make it harder than it has to be

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GhostofBambi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostofBambi/gifts).



> a/n: another one for sarah, because she thought up ‘crossfit robb’ in the first place. <3

**ARYA** : something… weird… is going on…

 **GENDRY** : That’s nice

 **ARYA** : no gendry  
it isn’t  
that’s why i said what *i* said and not the ‘i’m not actually paying attention to you’ shit *you* just said.

 **GENDRY** : Every time I pay attention to you, you call me a sexual deviant  
It’s a real fine fuckin line, alright?

 **ARYA** : learn how to walk it  
bitch.

 **GENDRY** : W O W

 **ARYA** : are you paying attention to me now?

 **GENDRY** : Yes, ~milady~

 **ARYA** : first of all, never say that to me again unless you’re wearing a fedora so i know this is the sort of person you are now and i can sever ties with you forever.

 **GENDRY** : Christ you’re in a mood today

 **ARYA** : i’m ANTSY  
i told you, something weird is going on!

 **GENDRY** : Right  
That

 **ARYA** : yes.  
THAT

 **GENDRY** : What IS **that** ?

 **ARYA** : theon.

 **GENDRY** : ??? What about him?  
He’s the weird thing that’s going on?  
And this is news to you… how?

 **ARYA** : he definitely wants to take sansa to Bone Town.

 **GENDRY** : That’s not news, either

 **ARYA** : have you read his diary too???

 **GENDRY** : No???? You have??

 **ARYA** : i had a peek  
just to confirm my suspicions.  
and hooooooooo boy, they were confirmed and then some.  
so how did YOU know?

 **GENDRY** : He looks at her a lot, like A LOT a lot  
Plus he was a real fuckin mope about it when Sansa had that date a couple weeks back, with Harry whatshisname

 **ARYA** : hardyng?  
she didn’t even like him, said all he talked about is how he’s a very impressive heir blah blah also he obvi skips leg day.  
and sansa, being the reasonable, worldly, tasteful woman that she is, was Not Having It

 **GENDRY** : Try telling that to Theon, he’s been grumbling about it ever since  
Like two days ago he was on the guy’s instagram muttering about how ‘he’s not even that good-looking, come on, what’s she see in him?’  
It’s driving me nutters, I smacked his phone out of his hand

 **ARYA** : that’s hot.

 **GENDRY** : …Excuse me?

 **ARYA** : nevermind.  
shut up.

 **GENDRY** : That’s fine, I’ve already screenshot it for posterity

*****

**ARYA** : so hey loser  
when’s the last time sansa had a date and how long have you been pissy about it?

 **THEON** : idk what am i, her personal assistant?  
ps i’m not even going to dignify the second part of that question with a response

 **ARYA** : mmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmm.

 **ARYA** : you WISH you were her personal assistant.  
then you’d have an excuse to keep your sansa journal for professional reasons instead of totally lascivious ones.

 **THEON** : really putting that ‘word of the day’ calendar sansa got you to good use, aren’t you?

 **ARYA** : yeah i’ve got another word of the day for you, too  
it’s ‘fuck you.’

 **THEON** : real nice  
and i have no idea what you’re talking about, btw? sansa journal??? i don’t even know what that means

 **ARYA** : uuuuhh okay you literally wrote ‘mr. theon stark’ on the inside cover, but whatever.

 **THEON** : _typing…_

 **ARYA** : i mean kudos to you for subverting patriarchal norms,  
but.  
***side eyes***

 **THEON** : that’s not about sansa

 **ARYA** : oh no?

 **THEON** : no  
i’m in love with robb

 **ARYA** : oh, theon  
that would just be embarrassing.

 **THEON** : what’s wrong with robb?

 **ARYA** : as if you don’t know, you’ve only been best friends since infancy, when you were both even dumber than you are now  
and only because you were BABIES  
and babies are just like… s o o o o o dumb.  
the WORST.

 **THEON** : omg what is it with you and this beef you have with babies??

 **ARYA** : you know how i feel.  
and don’t try to change the subject!!  
my point is, all robb does is fuck up our D&D campaigns because his character is always trying to sacrifice himself for love or whatever for no real reason.  
also, crossfit.  
he doesn’t even own a pair of regular trousers at this point, it’s all spandex.

 **ARYA** : you’d be an idiot if you fancied him.

 **THEON** : wow i am so telling HIS WIFE that you said that

 **ARYA** : whatever.  
talisa knows what she’s about.  
unlike SOME PEOPLE  
***side eyes***

 **THEON** : stop doing that

 **ARYA** : tell me about your sansa journal

 **THEON** : YOU tell me about this alleged ““sansa journal””  
bc i have a REGULAR journal in which sansa just so happens to be occasionally mentioned  
but i mention you too btw so  
check aaaaaand mate

 **ARYA** : oh, yeah? that so, mr. theon stark?  
do you talk about how much you love my arse too, or is it just sansa’s?

 **THEON** : what arse???????

 **ARYA** : how dare you??  
i’ve got that body by jane fonda, I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW

 **THEON** : omg

 **ARYA** : fucking philistine

 **THEON** : i DON’T want to talk about your body ew god text gendry about this shit

 **ARYA** : if you think you can distract me with gendry’s obvious thirst for me, you are woooooooefully mistaken.  
i already know he wants on this  
and i’m working on it.

 **THEON** : congrats

 **ARYA** : thnx

 **ARYA** : so anyway how many pages do you spend writing about the wistful but nevertheless lurid sex dreams you have about my sister?

 **THEON** : _typing…_

 **ARYA** : i counted six but to be fair i was only skimming  
to avoid the intensive therapy i’d need if i got too into the details, you know.

 **THEON** : STAY OUT OF MY STUFF

 **ARYA** : lmao  
no.

*****

**THEON** : darling

 **SANSA** : You’re drunk again.

 **THEON** : ??? i don’t know what you’re implying

 **SANSA** : That wasn’t an implication. It was a clearly definite accusation.

 **THEON** : either way  
i resent that

 **SANSA** : You only ever use endearments like that when you’re drunk or trying to seduce someone, and I know it’s not the latter.

 **THEON** : _typing…_

 **THEON** : haha  
right

 **SANSA** : So you understand my suspicion.

 **THEON** : DARLING it’s three o’clock on a thursday  
i’m not drunk

 **SANSA** : …So you ARE trying to seduce me, then?

 **THEON** : would that work?

 **SANSA** : _typing…_

 **SANSA** : Well, regardless, you want something. What is it?

 **THEON** : well NOW what i want to know is how to most successfully seduce you

 **SANSA** : Via PayPal.

 **THEON** : oooph. you’re breakin my heart, stark

 **SANSA** : You’re trying my patience, Greyjoy.

 **THEON** : what, suddenly you don’t like talking to me?

 **SANSA** : Not when you want something from me and won’t tell me what it is, DARLING.

 **THEON** : now that’ll definitely seduce me, if that’s what you’re after

 **SANSA** : I’ve blocked your number before and I’ll do it again.

 **THEON** : the worst week of my life, and i haven’t sent you another jump-scare vid since, have i?

 **SANSA** : You learned your lesson.

 **THEON** : that i did  
anyway  
have you talked to arya today?

 **SANSA** : This morning. Why?

 **THEON** : just wanted to be included in the gossip, is all

 **SANSA** : Nothing new today, though I think she likes Gendry quite a bit more than she lets on.

 **THEON** : oh i think she lets on PLENTY

 **SANSA** : She’s probably just trying to make you uncomfortable. You must’ve done something to offend her.

 **THEON** : what DOESN’T offend that girl??

 **SANSA** : Gendry’s washboard abs, most like.

 **THEON** : _typing…_

 **THEON** : what do YOU know about gendry’s abs???

 **SANSA** : Arya sends me shirtless pics of him all the time when they work out together. She’s always demanding ‘wtf is this supposed to mean???’ in some sort of sexual frenzy.

 **THEON** : do you still have these pictures??

 **SANSA** : No, I haven’t got room on my phone to store them all. That’s how many there are.

 **THEON** : okay but  
would you save them otherwise?

 **SANSA** : No, Theon, that’s insane. I have no vested interest in Gendry’s abs, or any other part of his body, come to think of it. I’m not Arya.

 **THEON** : good  
i mean  
that’s good  
wouldn’t want to be scamming on your sister’s man, and all

 **SANSA** : I would absolutely never.

 **THEON** : you never know  
what with the abs and all

 **SANSA** : Who needs abs when I’ve got you?

 **THEON** : YO  
WOW  
you have wounded me greatly, my lady

 **SANSA** : ;D xx

 **THEON** : SIGH  
:*

*****

**THEON** : ffs stop sending sansa shirtless gendry pics, the hell’s the matter with you??

 **ARYA** : LMAO jealous much?

 **THEON** : NO  
i just

 **THEON** : _typing…_

 **THEON** : stop doing it, alright?

 **ARYA** : ~i don’t think you’re ready for this jelly~  
~i don’t think you’re ready for this~  
~cuz gendry’s body’s too bootylicious for ya, babe~

 **THEON** : piss off

*****

**ARYA** : theon @ sansa like  
>LINK: Boyz II Men: “I’ll Make Love to You”<

 **BRAN** : Old news.

 **RICKON** : barf

 **ROBB** : The FUCK??

 **CATELYN** : Please don’t add your father and I to these group messages in future. You know he doesn’t understand texting, and now I need to explain to him what Arya means.

 **CATELYN** : Tell Theon to stay clear of the house this weekend. Your father is very confused and upset.

 **CATELYN** : And, Robb, do watch your language.

 **ARYA** : LOL ROBB

*****

**ROBB** : Are you sleeping with my sister??

 **THEON** : _typing…_

 **THEON** : The Number You Are Trying To Reach Has Been Disconnected

*****

**ROBB** : SANSA

 **ROBB** : >ATTACHMENT: PHOTO<

 **ROBB** : WHY

*****

**SANSA** : Theon, why on earth would you even vaguely suggest to Robb that you and I are sleeping together??

 **THEON** : i didn’t

 **SANSA** : He sent me a screenshot of your conversation!

 **THEON** : well i didn’t *really* imply anything

 **SANSA** : Theon.  
P L E A S E.

 **THEON** : it was just a laugh

 **SANSA** : Who’s laughing??

 **THEON** : …  
i had a good chuckle over it

 **SANSA** : It’s not funny. Do you think he’s going to leave me be over this? No. I’ll never hear the end of it.

 **THEON** : it can’t be any worse than how he reacted to your date

 **SANSA** : What date? Harry? Why would Robb care about him when I don’t?

 **THEON** : _typing…_

 **THEON** : you don’t?

 **SANSA** : No. You are literally the only person who thought I did. Which is honestly inconceivable to me. You know me better than anyone — save Arya, and Bran, I suppose, as he knows everything better than anybody else — and you really thought I fancied Harry Hardyng? I had dinner with him because Aunt Lysa’s been after me to date ‘someone reputable for once,’ and I only agreed so she’d shut up about it for five seconds.

 **SANSA** : And now Robb’s overreacting to something that’s not even true. Is it any wonder I don’t date? I’ve already got my hands full with terrible set-ups and *you*.

 **THEON** : sansa, i’m sorry. i swear i was only having a go at robb  
i mean  
what’s it to him if you and i WERE, you know…  
together  
or whatever  
why’s that his business?

 **SANSA** : You know how Robb is.

 **THEON** : fucking ridiculous, yeah

 **SANSA** : Why does it matter to YOU? We’re not…  
‘together or whatever.’  
Why do you care what Robb would have to say about something that’s never going to happen, anyway, since it’s obviously such a great fat joke to you?

 **THEON** : _typing…_

 **THEON** : wait  
are you angry with me?

 **SANSA** : No. I’m fine. Hypotheticals agitate me. That’s all.

 **THEON** : i know that  
i also know what you sound like when you’re cross

 **SANSA** : And how’s that?

 **THEON** : exactly how you sound right now

 **SANSA** : Well, I’m not. I’m fine.

 **THEON** : would you tell me how you actually feel? so that i can fix it so you’re ACTUALLY fine?

 **SANSA** : I shouldn’t have to tell you to think about someone besides yourself. You should just do it.

 **THEON** : oh, come on, sansa  
i’m

 **THEON** : _typing…_

 **THEON** : shit  
i’m always thinking of you

 **SANSA** : Well, you had a really funny way of showing it today.

 **THEON** : sansa…

 **THEON** : talk to me, love

 **THEON** : _typing…_

 **THEON** : sansa?

*****

**SANSA** : How do you manage to be perpetually angry whilst going about your business so effortlessly?

 **ARYA** : yoga.  
why?  
are you angry?  
has someone upset you?  
GIVE ME NAMES, DAMN IT

 **SANSA** : It’s me. It’s my own fault for being such an idiot, as usual.

 **ARYA** : sansa. you have never done anything wrong, ever, in your life.  
if anyone tries to say otherwise, i’ll scoop out their eyes with a melon baller.

 **SANSA** : Horrifying, thanks.

 **ARYA** : anytime.

 **SANSA** : But this IS my fault, really. I never should have gotten in this deep with Theon.

 **ARYA** : WHAT, excuse me??  
you and theon???  
since when??

 **SANSA** : No, nothing’s happened. I just… wanted it to. And I knew it was a bad idea, knew it was bound to upset me some way or other. As soon as I felt it coming on, I should have cut back on him. I should have stopped texting and hanging ‘round him so much. But then he was always, just, THERE, you know?

 **ARYA** : oh, sansa.  
of course he was.  
he wouldn’t’ve let you just drop out of his life.

 **SANSA** : But why NOT? Does he know? Are my feelings so hilarious to him that he wants to keep me around to have something to laugh at?

 **ARYA** : what the FUCK, babe??  
N O .  
it’s like the complete opposite of that. the MOST opposite.  
he’s certifiably mad about you.

 **SANSA** : No, he’s not.

 **ARYA** : oooooooh yeah  
he is.

 **SANSA** : How could you possibly know something like that?

 **ARYA** : i read his diary. just been trying to get him to ‘fess up.

 **SANSA** : Why wouldn’t he tell me?

 **ARYA** : um well if i’m ripping straight from the pages of his innermost thoughts, it’s because -you’re a vision and he doesn’t deserve you, but god damn he’d like to try-

 **ARYA** : come on, princess  
you know i wouldn’t lie to you

 **SANSA** : I know. But I don’t know what to do with this. Any of it. Now I just feel stupid and overwhelmed and like I was too harsh with him? Or… I don’t know. I’m confused? I don’t like it.

 **ARYA** : okay, so like, breathe. and let’s unpack this.  
what did he do?

 **SANSA** : Right. Okay. So.

 **SANSA** : _typing…_

*****

**ROBB** : FFS SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON

 **BRAN** : There’s lots going on. All the time. Everywhere.  
Be more specific.

 **ROBB** : WITH THEON AND SANSA

 **RICKON** : idk i guess they’re fucking?

 **ROBB** : NO

 **RICKON** : i said ‘idk’ alright jeez  
also who cares? let them fuck if they want to  
like damn what’s your problem?

 **ROBB** : Why are you like this  
WHO RAISED YOU

 **RICKON** : reckon mum and dad were too tired to bother much after dealing with you for so long

 **ROBB** : ::middle finger::

 **BRAN** : Robb, you should really try out those breathing exercises Talisa’s been trying to get you to do, oh, since about the first day you met.

 **ROBB** : NO TIME

 **BRAN** : Literally all you do is CrossFit.  
You’ve got time.

 **ROBB** : THAT’S IT  
I’M WRITING YOU BOTH OUT OF MY WILL

 **RICKON** : good, no one wants your used sweatbands and spandex shorts anyway

 **ROBB** : I HAVE OTHER THINGS TOO

 **BRAN** : Nothing with as much sentimental value to you as the aforementioned, though.

 **ROBB** : WHATEVER  
DICKS

 **RICKON** : yo i’m telling mum

 **ROBB** : _typing…_

 **ROBB** : DON’T

*****

**ARYA** : theon’s an idiot.

 **GENDRY** : Okay?  
Yeah.  
And??

 **ARYA** : fix it.

 **GENDRY** : What?? Can’t he fix it himself?

 **ARYA** : no??  
he’s stupid.  
i like JUST said that.  
do we have to have another talk about you listening to me?

 **GENDRY** : No, I just don’t understand why Theon can’t clean up his own messes

 **ARYA** : because he’s got low self-esteem and a deep impossible uncontainable love for my sister, so you need to HELP HIM.  
because i don’t snog blokes who’re too narcissistic, selfish, whatever, etc., to help out a pitiful friend in their time of need.  
you want to snog me, don’t you?

 **GENDRY** : God damn it  
Yes

 **ARYA** : alright. that’s settled.  
best get to work, then.

*****

**GENDRY** : Sansa fancies you

 **THEON** : what

 **THEON** : no

 **THEON** : wait

 **GENDRY** : And she’s upset because she thinks you’re making a big joke of it, teasing Robb and all and acting like it’s no big thing  
But it is to her and I guess she can’t tell you that? Because she thinks you don’t care  
It’s a whole vicious circle of feelings

 **THEON** : oh fuck me

 **GENDRY** : Normally I wouldn’t care enough about your completely self-inflicted personal problems to give you any sort of advice, but if you don’t fix this and make Sansa happy, then Arya’s going to blame ME for reasons I do not fully understand and then she’ll never go out with me  
I want to go out with her, Theon  
Don’t fuck this up for me

 **THEON** : all things considered, you are the least of my worries rn

 **GENDRY** : Don’t fuck it up for yourself, then  
Selfish

 **THEON** : you’re worlds more well-adjusted than i am  
so you can fuck right off with that

 **GENDRY** : I s2g, man  
If I don’t get laid by the woman of my dreams because of you, I will post all of your journal pages on Reddit

 **THEON** : that’s a low goddamn blow

 **GENDRY** : I know  
I hate myself  
But so help me god, I WILL DO IT  
Needs must  
Prick

 **THEON** : right well i’m not about to let myself lose out on the woman of MY dreams, either, so maybe fuckin chill

 **GENDRY** : Keep me posted

 **THEON** : obviously

*****

**BRAN** : You’re in troooouuuuble.

 **THEON** : how is it that you find out things that are none of your damn business?

 **BRAN** : I am the all-knowing.

 **THEON** : more like the all-smoking of every joint you can get your delicate pianist’s hands on

 **BRAN** : It’s called opening up your third eye, Theon.  
Try it sometime and then maybe you won’t be such a disappointment to women everywhere.

 **THEON** : my concern is currently with one particular woman, thanks

 **BRAN** : In that case, I imagine you’re already at the florist’s, then.

 **THEON** : HOW

 **BRAN** : The third eye, man. That’s where it’s at.

 **THEON** : get your freaky arse out of my DMs

 **BRAN** : Mmhm. Don’t keep Sansa up all night, now. She and I’ve got brunch tomorrow.

 **THEON** : she’s gonna be late

 **BRAN** : Yes, I’ll be expecting her around eleven rather than our usual ten.

 **THEON** : KNOCK IT OFF

*****

**GENDRY** : Okay  
I think it’s fixed

 **ARYA** : glad to hear it.  
i’ll check in with sansa later and then let you know if we’re good to make out tomorrow.

 **GENDRY** : Great

 **ARYA** : good.

 **GENDRY** : Grand

 **ARYA** : neat-o.

 **GENDRY** : Don’t patronize me

 **ARYA** : my bad. i assumed this was foreplay.

 **GENDRY** : …  
You know what, that’s fair

*****

**ROBB** : SERIOUSLY  
Are you sleeping with my sister???

 **THEON** : SERIOUSLY  
fuck off, mate

 **ROBB** : NOT the time for your attitude.

 **THEON** : you know what?  
if sansa wants to sleep with me, then i’m gonna fuckin do it  
i will rock her whole entire goddamn world if she wants me to

 **ROBB** : _typing…_

 **THEON** : and i KNOW that’s such a weird thing to say to you and it crosses all kinds of lines  
but i don’t care, robb  
i DO NOT care  
she’s a grown woman with a good head on her shoulders who does everything for everybody else and for once maybe someone should do a few things for her, too  
and if she wants me, then i’m gonna be that someone  
and that’s none of your goddamn business

 **ROBB** : Well, sheesh, man  
If I’d’ve know it was like… THAT… then I would have just let it alone

 **THEON** : no you wouldn’t have

 **ROBB** : Okay, so, no, I wouldn’t have  
But still.

 **THEON** : yeah

 **ROBB** : Well.  
Be good to her, and all that.

 **THEON** : fucking DUH

 **ROBB** : Arse.

*****

Theon shows up at her door, a bundle of yellow daisies tied with a blue fake-satin ribbon in hand, and a whole host of things he wants to tell her on the tip of his tongue.

He’s leaning against the doorframe, grins when she opens it and greets her, “Hey. So what are you doing for the rest of your life?”

Sansa rolls her eyes — still angry with him, no doubt. “Trying to get away from you.”

“Now” — Theon clicks his tongue, determined to win her over now that he knows what he does — “darling, don’t be like that.”

“Don’t _call_ _me_ that.”

“Chin up,” he tuts again, and unveils the clutch of daisies from behind his back. “These are for you.”

Sansa softens. Melts, even. “You didn’t have to…”

“I wanted to,” Theon assures her, just as soft. She looks so pretty, red-rimmed eyes and all, and he hates to think he’d made her cry.

He wonders if it would do any good to tell her that he had too, a little bit, when Gendry told him that she fancied him and he realized how he’d nearly fucked it all up. He decides against it, only because Sansa hates to upset anyone, however inadvertently, and figures he’ll tell her later. They’ll have time for it. He’s not about to waste another moment.

“I’m sorry,” he says, _so_ earnestly because he doesn’t want to make her second-guess him anymore.

She opens her mouth, shuts it, shakes her head. “I overreacted.”

“You were upset. That’s on me.”

“Well…” Sansa presses her lips together, brow furrowed. Theon wants to kiss it all away, all those lines, the hesitation, doubt, whatever else might be holding her back. “Let’s say it’s on both of us, shall we?”

Theon shrugs, the corners of his mouth twitched up still. “If that’s what you want.”

He’ll do _whatever_ she wants. But she’d never ask him for much.

It’s as easy as that. It always has been, between the two of them.

“I’m not angry with you. I was,” Sansa admits. Her cheeks bloom a shade pinker than usual. “But I figured it out.”

“Just in case, though…” Theon pauses. He wants to let her know that he’s here to prove it to her, those things she figured out on her own, or with Arya’s help, surely, but _he_ should be the one to tell her, if she wants to hear it.

As he lingers over what to say next, Sansa helps him along. She tilts forward on bare, turquoise-painted toes, and Theon takes it from there.

He ducks in for a kiss — a small, friendly something that still shows off his intentions.  _I_ _like you. Fancy you. I want us to be more than enough to piss off your brother for a little while, ‘til he gets used to it. Used to us._

_Us._

It’s a lot to say in such a little kiss, perhaps, because he really had meant it to be quick.

But then her lips cling to his. And it’s not quick at all — no, it’s slow and languid and sweet, and Theon wants to take it deeper. What’s more, what’s _most_ , is that Sansa lets him.

Yellow daisies fall to the floor, scattering around their feet, all the better for Theon to cup her face, run his hands through her hair. Sansa holds tight to his sides. When her fingers flex, twist into the fabric of his well-worn jumper — it’s the one she knitted for him, too-many-to-count winters ago, dark grey and, for the first few weeks, smelling of her perfume — he shudders. He sucks in a breath and kisses her harder.

He tilts his head to keep it up, to keep this going, on and on and _on_ , so that even sure-footed graceful Sansa stumbles a little, walking backwards into her flat and tugging him along with her. Theon trips, too, and it makes their teeth clash and their lungs fill up with laughter.

It tastes good, making her happy,

He hopes she’ll never let him stop. And she’s certainly got no plans to.

*****

**BRAN** : Ten fifty-eight on the dot. Not too shabby.

 **THEON** : you’re psychotic

 **BRAN** : Arya’s late as well. I suspect because she and Gendry are too busy testing legal codes of public indecency in the carpark.

 **THEON** : your third eye tell you that, too?

 **BRAN** : No, we’ve got a booth by the window and I can see them.

 **THEON** : hm. gross.  
i want sansa back by one-thirty, btw

 **BRAN** : She’ll be there by one.

 **THEON** : brilliant  
wanna get me the winning lotto numbers while you’re at it?

 **BRAN** : That wouldn’t be ethical.  
With great power comes great responsibility.

 **THEON** : oh, fuck off, spiderman

*****

**SANSA** : Be nice to Bran.

 **THEON** : be nice to ME  
come back

 **SANSA** : As soon as I’m done talking about you with my siblings.

 **SANSA** : Arya and Bran, I mean. Robb and Rickon are too emotionally unstable to hear about these things.

 **THEON** : sounds about right

 **SANSA** : Don’t sulk.

 **THEON** : too late, i’ve already got eric carmen on repeat  
~all byyyyy myyyyyself…~

 **THEON** : but really  
have a nice time, don’t rush, i’ll be here waiting as long as you like, i’m the luckiest man in the world, etc etc

 **SANSA** : xx Thank you.

 **THEON** : always, darling

 **SANSA** : Don’t try to seduce me into coming back early, now.

 **THEON** : _typing…_

 **THEON** : damn  
caught me  
until later, then, love…  
xx

*****

**ARYA** : so how many pages did last night take up in your sansa journal, hmmmmmmmmm?

 **THEON** : oh i absolutely need to go out and buy a new one  
leave it at that

 **ARYA** : L O L


End file.
